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Friday, November 25, 2011

Break Even

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone,
that the only next posible step to do is to STOP. Leave them alone. Walk away.
Its not like you're giving up or shouldn't try. Its just that you have to draw a line
of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours,
and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

future

All of a sudden.. bunch of peers are getting married. Nice.. happy for them :)

Something came thru my mind, if im still with you.. what will us be? yea.. we'll probably getting married soon too after 7 years of relationship. But too bad, things doesn't work out the way we wanted. My bad. The ending might be different if we started late.. After i explored the world, after u became matured.. Right person but wrong timing.

How bout u? the one i love so much that im willing to give up everything for? u said this is not the end yet.. u asked me to believe that u are building a better foundation for our future.. i dont know.. how can i trust when u dun even fetch me to hospital when i got asthma attack? i wanna love u n i loved u a lot. But things you said n your promises is so much different from what you do. Should i make it as a childish act? or should i make it as selfish? that you only love me when i m lovable, n you dont love me anymore when im a burden. if i wait for you, it cost me 2 years of my precious youth, do you know how much is that cost for a girl? what if you fail me like you used to do? its not just "sorry" can compensate. if you fail do you lose anything? no.

yea, i shouldnt put u as the priority of my life anymore. im sorry. i wish we can fight for our future together.

Friday, November 4, 2011

纠结

我 渐渐看透了。
爱是双向的。只有我一个人努力的改变是不够的。
不断的原谅,不断的给机会,我好累。
为什么我这么执着?而你却当作理所当然。

你不明白。

没关系,是时候给你时间去明白。。也是时候放手了
不打扰 是我的温柔;放开手是我最后的爱。

你还是我想要的那个人吗?

开始学习,不在意你。

Friday, September 2, 2011

A Different Season





Its been awhile since i last blog.. Lots of up and down in life. Yup, living is never an easy thing. And now, im goin through a different season in life. Its tough, i gotta admit.


Few weeks ago, faced spiritual drained. No mood for God, no mood for ministry, no mood for cell group, no mood for church. I felt so numb. I was so dried up, tired for everything. I knew i shouldn't feel that way, but i don't know why. Spiritual attack? maybe. I just lost my identity. Serving in a mega church, i gave myself too much stress, too much comparison. I often sit aside and think, why people can be so successful? Im willing to serve God too. Im willing to be used too. But why m i here sitting aside? Is it something wrong with me that God doesn't want to use me anymore? Or people just don't like me? I wasn't happy but i had to pretend to be happy.


Its sad for me to say this, but yea, me and Alfred decided to separate. We decide to focus more on personal and spiritual growth first so that we can have a better future. We love each other a lot but we know this is necessary. We have to develope a stronger spiritual life, more mature character. Cuz without God, nothing works. I don't know how long we re goin to separate but I believe we gonna make it by God's grace. I don't know bout him, but this is my conviction.


Everything happen for a purpose. A relationship has a purpose too, to bring glory to Him. I believe God has a bigger vision for me, for us.  


After the separation, i have come to fast and pray. Seek for His wondrous love, seek for His grace, seek for His wisdom, seek for His comfort. Amazingly, i found all in devotion. I find back my identity, my purpose of living, who m i. The answer is - do i have to be like others? The purpose of living is never ME. He teaches me to wait upon Him too. Peaceful and gracious is all I can say. He told me, when the world falls apart, we always want things to be fix instantly, but it WON'T happen; because the world never fall apart instantly, so it takes time to fix it. Be patience, God's timing is perfect.


Love, never easy. After these days only I realize how much I've done wrong in the past. High expectation, things ll never go as what we expect because when sin enters the world, everything is imperfect. Its all by His grace. Real love bears all things and keep no records of wrong. Its so important to love each other with the love of God.


Its gonna be a long journey but we will finish the race strong. ..n, im gonna miss him so damn lots.

Learn to first love God, then you will know how to love people.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter - the lost sheep

Happy good friday n easter day!!

Its good friday, meaning its been a year that I have come to city harvest church :D I was invited by Alfred to easter production last year. Since then, my life has change tremendously.. *good n bad* However, my faith n relationship with God has gone to a whole new level like never before!!! God has never been so real before. People n leaders here r spiritual, love God n serve God faithfully. I'm so influenced n encouraged by them! N giving the best to God. I thank God for my leaders n my churchmates. In here, I re-found my refuge, my passion to serve God again.

Maybe because I have found such a great love, I can't bear to see those who had it stray away.. There's no accident in our lives. Everything happened with a purpose.

These couple of months, get to stay in touch with my ex-church frens. Got to know that some of them lost their faith. I was once in their shoes. I know how it feels. Christianity is just a religion.. Nothing much related to my life. God was so far away that I couldn't feel Him. Sometimes I even doubt what I was believing. I knew there's a God called Jesus. He died for me at the cross. I knew everything about bible. I just knew it from knowledge but I didn't really experience him. Life is still tough, its still all by myself. I went to church, serving just to fulfill my obligation as a christian. I was disappointed to people in church. So what they called themselves a christian? Yet being hypocrite, judging than anyone else. Christianity, is just too unrealistic. I know..

But, now everything has completely changed! I'm so urge to share with my frens about the good news, and what I ve experience throughout these times!! It become a burden that God put into me, to find back all the lost sheep!! Slowly by slowly, I rebuild the friendship with them. My heart was so pain till I feel like cryin that words can't explain. I do not know how to tell them how much God loves them n how real God is! The only thing I can do is invited them to easter service n prayed that God will touch their heart, they ll get back to their first love again.

Miracles happened! At first I didn't put much hope but just to bring them to see how my church is cuz as far as I know their hearts were cold for quite some times already. But God's presence is amazing. God's love is wonderful. No one can stand before Him but only to surrender. He is so gentle that u couldn't run away from him but only pour out ur pain n weaknesses. I do the best n God do the rest. Yes, this is the experience that I cannot describe to them, but God help me tell them already. Praise God they were touched by the presence of God. Hallelujah.

This is the first step n I hope they can keep comin n experience God more :) I believed soon their life will be transformed and found their faith again in Jesus name!

Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God.
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Haul Review: Marchie

Yup! Been buying quite lots of things this month. So, im gonna do a review bout it <3 Enjoy~

1. Rimmel Lipstick from London   RM 10 & RM 15                            
  They came to my uni for booth exhibition!
I bought nude color and alarm 170 (chilli-red). Love both because so far, it is the most moisturizing lipstick i ever use. The nude one doesn't really suit me. In fact, it melted like an ice-cream two days ago cuz i accidentally left it in the car :'(
Anyway, the red one is awesome! It gives u fullness of colour.




2. Canmake Eyebrow Coloring   RM 32.90

Got this from SaSa. Been looking for this mascara type of eyebrow coloring for quite sometime already. Previously Kate had this product but recently they have discontinued. Luckily Canmake come out with it!! Saviour~~ Its very easy to apply, and its quite natural. Love it a lot!






3. Bloop from Paris Eye Shimmer Powder   RM 18 (buy 1 free 1)
I bought two colours (cuz its buy 1 free 1) purple n nude colour. Its really really nice. You don't have to buy glue for the glitter cuz its something like gel type. Its very shinning so I use it for highlight after the whole eye makeup :) MAC has it also.. as pigment form. I don't hv to say, you know the price...

4. Skin Food Salmon Dark Circle Concealer Cream  RM 42
 It is available with two colours, light one and darker one. I bought the lighter colour. Its in cream type so doesn't smudge much through out the day. Cuz of its texture, i use it as eye primer as well :) Hmm.. the coverage is not as good as i expected. It can perform well in covering redness, but not dark circles. So apparently was a lil disappointing.

Alrite!! So these are all I got on March~ Hope you guys enjoy n perhaps i will do a makeup tutorial with these cosmetics!


Blessings,
Sharon

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A lil update bout my life ♥

hi everyone ♥ its been awhile since i last blogged. Just a lil update bout my life recently.. wads goin on.. ;)

♥ My Uni 
YAY~ finally, after a long wait (6 months), im able to start schooling again! hmm... school work was easy.. lecturer was boring.. classmates was speechless. ya, i mean literally speechless. They are so quiet!! its almost a month after i start class. But i dun really know them. They r really well-behaved. Aww.. i miss my crazy hyper-active BDH 31!! At least throw me some drinking kaki can or not?? Its not like imma get drunk every time, but drinkers normally are much more friendly, out-going n fun then u think. 

Apart from that, i just done my TIS exam last week. Cheh.. was easy pissy.. i wonder what m i running away from. Bcuz of fear, i hv run away from this exam for 2 times!! which cost me rm1000!!! If i knew it was not as hard as i thought, i would probably went to France with my bf already. DAMN.

♥ My Ministry
Anyway, I thank God for what I ve been through all this while. As u know, last year was a turning point in life for me. I broke up with my ex, failed my exam, complicated in relationships, jobless, lost my friends i hang out for so many yrs.. My world got all messed up just in a blink! Luckily, get to know my cg E34+39. They are awesome. Felt loved n acceptance by them. Maybe they did not realize, but actually all these small lil action was incredibly important to me during that time when i was lonely n crashed. Father God loves me a lot. He really holds me when i fall, leads me when im lost. After all that i been through, I looked back, I saw how amazing is His grace, He never forsake me, I saw how He guides me to now, one step by one step.

N so, I wanna serve Him. Like I mentioned in my previous post, that God told me He wanna use me when i feel useless. His words are so true, n now, im serving in worship team, makeup ministry n dance ministry! Huuray~ Praise God! :D

M a lil bit stress, cuz have to juggle so much at a same time, i scare i couldn't do well. Like saturday, I have to observe worship practice, afterwards have to rush to make up room n see how Make-up God makeup. Haha... But i know God's grace is sufficient for me!
  
♥My Love-life
Last month, baby went to France.. Was about to enjoy my freedom, but dunno y miss him so much. Life turned quiet suddenly. Then i realized how noisy n annoying he is! Hahaaa.... ;p Okay okay.. i know.. im mean to my bf... ;p who cares? Maybe this is the way we communicate! hehe... Bullying him is so much fun! ♥ I dunno.. sometimes i love him a lot, sometimes i feel like kicking his balls n strangle him to death! Life is about dilemmas, isn't it? To my frens who dun really know him, ya, he is treating me well, kind of sensitive, super caring but careless (LOL), kinda loving, always think bout me first, supportive, can really tolerate me (hehe, super important), makes me feel like a bf n he is my gf, always make me laugh n i always make him cry. Most importantly, kind hearted and ALWAYS FORGIVING. what else can i pick about?
Love is seeing an imperfect person as perfect
  
♥ My SELF
Yup, lots of plan this year. Goin to Europe!! Its my turn!!! EXCITED~~
Expanding my passion at interest n increasing my knowledge. Read a lot about makeup n fashion recently. Wanna be a successful style advisor!

Planning to learn French also. Wanna finish my Japanese initially, but Japan's economic nowadays r not so strong as before after the quake, so i target the potential one first! :)  

Life is so interesting! I ♥ my life.

Gonna do some reviews in the stuffs i bought soon. So stay tuned!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Rite, What are you believing in?

Went to watch movie The Rite with the bf last Saturday.


Starring: Anthony Hopkins & Colin O'Donoghue *super hawtt*. 
I think its rated as horror movie. Not so scary as i thought. Fyi, im a scaddy cat ;p i dont watch horror movie. I went because I was attracted by the movie slogan, "You can only defeat it when you believe." Suprisingly, the movie was mind-blasting and life-changing! No joke.


Colin O'Donoghue
Giving some background of the movie, (Inspired by true events) American seminary student Michael Kovak (Colin O'Donoghue) is a catholic theology student who study just for the sake of taking a cert but did not heard God's calling or experienced God before. He is reluctantly enrolled in a new exorcism course at a Vatican-affiliated university in Italy that teaches priests how to distinguish between a genuine possession and mental illness. While there, Michael meets an unorthodox priest, Father Lucas (Anthony Hopkins), who teaches him about the darker side of his faith. He experienced a lot of possessed case and he gradually believe in the existence of evil spirit, and at last, proved that the power of God is greater than demon.  


So, the whole story is about a "cold" believer, who doesn't even have faith or know what he is believing finally turn back to God. Wow! How impactful is that! 


Michael, signify most of us, who tag ourselves as "Christian", that actually only know about the existence of God in our head but doesn't really have relationship with Him. We often doubt about Him and His almighty power. We say we believe in Him but admit it we rather believe in ourselves. We always do what we can first then only we ll turn to Him for final solution.


"Always believe in God because some answer you just cant find in Google." Amen.




Like Michael, even though he saw possession happened in front of him, he still refuse to believe and insist it is a symptom of mental illness . He challenged the evil spirit with his own intelligent. What is this? Proud. Many times we are just like him, isn't it? We try to find prove, we are proud. We only believe when it is proven. Sometimes we even denied the truth. But the bible says,  
Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. (John 20:29)
Besides, the movie portraits the demon well. Very cunning, very smart, knows bible well, he knows man's heart well too. Yup, undeniable, demon knows what we have done and he likes to use your sins to accuse u! All he want is just shaken your faith. In the movie, the demon keep brings up the sins, the past of Michael everytime when he tried to do exorcism. The demon even try to persuade Michael that he is greater than God, Michael's sins are unforgiven, he is not worthy to have the power to do exorcism and God failed His promises. He makes Michael feel so so so depressed. He tries every single way just to draw us away from God and give up following God.  Wa.. scary-nya.


The demon, "So do you believe (the existence) in me??? "
Michael, "Yes I believe in you.... but at the same time I believe (the power and the promises) in God too!"


Wow.. such a powerful declaration with full of faith! With that faith, Michael cast out the demon successfully. 


If we are Michael, are we able to make the same decision that turn back to God? Or still doubting? Stumbled  by our guilt? I wanna ensure you that God is faithful, with mercy and love. There's no point fighting by ourselves. Its all in vain.
God is always there, waiting for us to turn back, just like a Father.
After the whole movie, I realized this is all planned by God. Its God's will to let Michael been through all these. To test his faith, to let him have self-realization, after that to set free all the bitterness in his heart (the death of his mom, cant get recognition from his dad, commit adultery). Most importantly, to let him know that God have never left Him and He is willing to accept him back. If God wants to call u, nothing can stop Him. Just like Jonah! U cant run away. So what for struggling? The only thing you can do is to surrender to Him. When u see no way, Jesus said He is the way. When u try to prove, Jesus said He is the truth. Better learn to live a successful life in obedience than in bitterness and hurt after much failed.



My God reigns, His love will never failed me; 
My God reigns, He's ruling over all;
In all my life, in every situation I know 
my God is GREATER, my God is over all!

I KNOW WHAT I AM BELIEVING IN, DO U?

Friday, February 11, 2011

Some revelations?

Its beginning of the year, previously i didn't really think about new year resolution or setting any goals. Cuz i can't come out with any.. i have totally no idea what im gonna do with 2011. During Chinese New Year, my uncle asked me what i wanna do after i graduate? that's the question i hate the most! So, i told him i don't know. By then only i realized how aimless i am.  I am lost. Just wasting time day after another.


I don't know what m i escaping for? Perhaps I just don't dare to face myself.. face the problems.. face the stress.. hmm...


23th of january - A day that my life started to transform
I wouldn't forget this day. When i felt i was not as good as others, i was useless, i was hopeless, i was self-giving up, God say to me, "I want to use u!". These words keep overwhelming in my heart. But the question i keep asking is, how is He goin to use me?


Im getting older n older, but things i do still very immature. I tried to control, but i failed. I regretted after i did it. I wanna grow up. So badly. I repented over n over again. Hope that God ll forgive me n help me once again. Will God help me? im struggling with this question for such a long time. It become a burden to me. 

I read a lot of quotes..  I begin to think about it. My life really need changes!! I wanna be a better person.


1st: "We judge others by their behaviors, but we judge ourselves by our intentions." How true!! Misunderstanding and conflicts always happen because of this! I really have to see things deeper, not just superficial level. We often being judgmental and gossips behind. I need Him to increase the capacity of my heart. 




2nd: "You will never have self-control until you learned how to wait." Waiting is an important lesson that I have to learn. Since young i have been impatient, if i see something i want, i must get it immediately. N this often caused me big troubles... It stumbles my life hard! God please mould me. I attended cg yesterday, Yizhen said something that strikes my heart. "God is more interested in your character than your comfort." hmm.. Sometimes, God want you to wait, is to mould your character. He will give you when He know that you can handle it. But often, i failed. I don't know what's wrong. I have faith in God's promises, but I just don't have the patience. Sometimes i feel like im Saw, didn't wait for Samuel but burn the offering himself first. Maybe what I lack is not about FAITH but OBEDIENCE.


3rd: "The measure of a mature person is on how they move on and stand up after everything goes wrong." Yes. I couldn't run away from problems any more. No matter is problems in my life or my inner part. I wanna be mature and I ll stand up and face it although im really scared. But i know God is with me. God's purpose is always greater than your problems!! Amen.
rainbow - shows the love and grace from God.

im writing down these so i can remind myself. I hope this is my last time that i made a mistake n I truly hope that my heavenly Father has mercy on me, doesn't forsake me and helped me one last time as Im turning back to Him. Pls let miracles happen again so that I will testify your amazing grace. I know that i ve received a lot of grace from Him but I never learn.. N i know i do not have any standing point and face to receive His grace anymore. All i have is guilt. But bible says,  For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. (EPHESIANS 2:8) Meaning, i do not earn grace. Once again, I have to step out with faith, to believe that my God will help me.

I think these are my new year resolutions. To have more faith and love, to be more mature, to become a better christian. 
How great is our God!

You can only defeat it when you believe. - The Rite, movie 2011

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Achieve ur dream.. boobs? Part 1 ;)

every girl's dream huh? to have a perfect body.


According to my experience, its easy to have a thin waist or flat abs (u just have to starve for few days then u can achieve it..LOL) rather than havin nice breasts. Cause breast tend to get smaller when u over diet especially after your development period (13-18yrs old), its very hard to grow back. So its super difficult to maintain breasts as they easily shrink or saggy.

Awww...


 However, trend nowadays no longer demand for big boobies. I asked a lot of my male friends, they told me big boobs are quite disgusting as the ratio with body are weird. N it doesn't look natural at all.


I think Jessica Alba has the perfect body. She looks healthy! Not to mention, her breast size is just nice. Not too big nor too small.
Hmmm.. When i was in high school, i was quite chubby but used to have C70.. After i started college, i tend to diet, cause i wasn't satisfied with my belly. But due to wrong method i used plus i ve been drinking a lot.. heehee ;p.. i found that my boobs are getting smaller n smaller..OMG!!! I shrink until small B Cup.. T.T Its too late when i realized.. :(  So, i ve been doing some research on how to enhance them.

N so, i ve tried F Cup Cookies & Kinohimitsu BustUp Drink.
U can find F Cup cookies in Sasa. I bought it at RM 168 for 2 weeks supply. It comes with chocolate or soy milk flavor. Its extremely tasty that give u the urge to munch it all in one shot! However, ur only allow to consume 2 cookies per day.

How does it work?
Each cookie contain 50mg of Pueraria Mirifica. It is a natural breast-enhancing ingredient found from plant. Thailand women has been using it for ages to enhance their breasts. 

The promoter told me that normally it works after 14days of consuming. Ur breast will become larger, fuller and firmer. But, the results differ from every person.

1,2,3,4,5 days.........14days!!!!

Ta dang!!!! *look down* 
Eee??? Nothing??? I was totally disappointed to the result. It just doesn't work on me. Nothing happen at all... I din even feel a single swell.

*sigh*

ITS NOT WORTH FOR MY $$....

I read some other reviews, it takes a very long time to get desire size.. And if u stop, ur breast will back to square 1. haih. Furthermore it never guarantee ur boobs will grow after months..  its kinda risky for me after investing so much money. i decided to stop.

But if u want, u can give it a try ;) Do share with me if there's any effect!

Cheers,
Sharon

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Why Caramel Macchiato?

Phew! After 3 DAYS of wars between me n blogger, my new blog "Caramel Macchiato" is finally born! YaY~ *applause + drum roll + fireworks*

Firstly, why do i named it "Caramel Macchiato"? Because i just simply love it! Its my favourite drink. As simple as that ♥

Hmmph, apparently, this is not my first blog. I started my first blog around 16. Was at friendster.. LOL. I know i know.. frienster is lame.. who doesn't have his past.. :p That blog is a place where i express my anger n dissatisfaction. So, basically those post are mainly negative thoughts. Haha, kinda childish yea! After that, i open some blogs, posted few journals which  i don't wish people to read n i closed it down after awhile.. some i just forgot my username n passwords... =.=

Throughout all these years, i have been reading quite a lot of blogs. The way the bloggers express their thinkin n personalities r inspiring! Most importantly, it even help people sometimes! Im encouraged, i hope my blog can become a blessing too. Thus i decided to reopen a new blog randomly with enthusiasm. :D

Those blog i had previously were in simple layout n template. This time i really wanna create a quality blog that would make people feel like reading it. Therefore i start exploring the edits n customize design tabs.. i admit im a blog dummie .___. i have no idea with editing n stuffs at all. The HTML thingy is really driving me crazy!! After much reference of other's blog, i finally come out with a basic one after 3 DAYS of hair wiring. >(

Lastly, hope u like the bossa nova music i add ♥  caramel macchiato + bossa nova = perfect combination! Just make me feel so relax n soothin'.. love it. Stay tune, there's more to come :)

Life is like a cup of caramel macchiato, full bodied of espresso - bitterness that keep u awake and super sweet caramel drizzle - happiness that makes u smile. Life is always two sided, but its all good!


Cheers,
Sharon