Break Even

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone,
that the only next posible step to do is to STOP. Leave them alone. Walk away.
Its not like you're giving up or shouldn't try. Its just that you have to draw a line
of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours,
and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

A Different Season

Its been awhile since i last blog.. Lots of up and down in life. Yup, living is never an easy thing. And now, im goin through a different season in life. Its tough, i gotta admit.


Few weeks ago, faced spiritual drained. No mood for God, no mood for ministry, no mood for cell group, no mood for church. I felt so numb. I was so dried up, tired for everything. I knew i shouldn't feel that way, but i don't know why. Spiritual attack? maybe. I just lost my identity. Serving in a mega church, i gave myself too much stress, too much comparison. I often sit aside and think, why people can be so successful? Im willing to serve God too. Im willing to be used too. But why m i here sitting aside? Is it something wrong with me that God doesn't want to use me anymore? Or people just don't like me? I wasn't happy but i had to pretend to be happy.


Its sad for me to say this, but yea, me and Alfred decided to separate. We decide to focus more on personal and spiritual growth first so that we can have a better future. We love each other a lot but we know this is necessary. We have to develope a stronger spiritual life, more mature character. Cuz without God, nothing works. I don't know how long we re goin to separate but I believe we gonna make it by God's grace. I don't know bout him, but this is my conviction.


Everything happen for a purpose. A relationship has a purpose too, to bring glory to Him. I believe God has a bigger vision for me, for us.  


After the separation, i have come to fast and pray. Seek for His wondrous love, seek for His grace, seek for His wisdom, seek for His comfort. Amazingly, i found all in devotion. I find back my identity, my purpose of living, who m i. The answer is - do i have to be like others? The purpose of living is never ME. He teaches me to wait upon Him too. Peaceful and gracious is all I can say. He told me, when the world falls apart, we always want things to be fix instantly, but it WON'T happen; because the world never fall apart instantly, so it takes time to fix it. Be patience, God's timing is perfect.


Love, never easy. After these days only I realize how much I've done wrong in the past. High expectation, things ll never go as what we expect because when sin enters the world, everything is imperfect. Its all by His grace. Real love bears all things and keep no records of wrong. Its so important to love each other with the love of God.


Its gonna be a long journey but we will finish the race strong. ..n, im gonna miss him so damn lots.

Learn to first love God, then you will know how to love people.

Some revelations?

Its beginning of the year, previously i didn't really think about new year resolution or setting any goals. Cuz i can't come out with any.. i have totally no idea what im gonna do with 2011. During Chinese New Year, my uncle asked me what i wanna do after i graduate? that's the question i hate the most! So, i told him i don't know. By then only i realized how aimless i am.  I am lost. Just wasting time day after another.


I don't know what m i escaping for? Perhaps I just don't dare to face myself.. face the problems.. face the stress.. hmm...

23th of january - A day that my life started to transform

I wouldn't forget this day. When i felt i was not as good as others, i was useless, i was hopeless, i was self-giving up, God say to me, "I want to use u!". These words keep overwhelming in my heart. But the question i keep asking is, how is He goin to use me?


Im getting older n older, but things i do still very immature. I tried to control, but i failed. I regretted after i did it. I wanna grow up. So badly. I repented over n over again. Hope that God ll forgive me n help me once again. Will God help me? im struggling with this question for such a long time. It become a burden to me. 

I read a lot of quotes..  I begin to think about it. My life really need changes!! I wanna be a better person.

1st: "We judge others by their behaviors, but we judge ourselves by our intentions." How true!! Misunderstanding and conflicts always happen because of this! I really have to see things deeper, not just superficial level. We often being judgmental and gossips behind. I need Him to increase the capacity of my heart. 

2nd: "You will never have self-control until you learned how to wait." Waiting is an important lesson that I have to learn. Since young i have been impatient, if i see something i want, i must get it immediately. N this often caused me big troubles... It stumbles my life hard! God please mould me. I attended cg yesterday, Yizhen said something that strikes my heart. "God is more interested in your character than your comfort." hmm.. Sometimes, God want you to wait, is to mould your character. He will give you when He know that you can handle it. But often, i failed. I don't know what's wrong. I have faith in God's promises, but I just don't have the patience. Sometimes i feel like im Saw, didn't wait for Samuel but burn the offering himself first. Maybe what I lack is not about FAITH but OBEDIENCE.

3rd: "The measure of a mature person is on how they move on and stand up after everything goes wrong." Yes. I couldn't run away from problems any more. No matter is problems in my life or my inner part. I wanna be mature and I ll stand up and face it although im really scared. But i know God is with me. God's purpose is always greater than your problems!! Amen.

rainbow - shows the love and grace from God.

im writing down these so i can remind myself. I hope this is my last time that i made a mistake n I truly hope that my heavenly Father has mercy on me, doesn't forsake me and helped me one last time as Im turning back to Him. Pls let miracles happen again so that I will testify your amazing grace. I know that i ve received a lot of grace from Him but I never learn.. N i know i do not have any standing point and face to receive His grace anymore. All i have is guilt. But bible says,  For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. (EPHESIANS 2:8) Meaning, i do not earn grace. Once again, I have to step out with faith, to believe that my God will help me.

I think these are my new year resolutions. To have more faith and love, to be more mature, to become a better christian. 
How great is our God!

You can only defeat it when you believe. - The Rite, movie 2011

Why Caramel Macchiato?

Phew! After 3 DAYS of wars between me n blogger, my new blog "Caramel Macchiato" is finally born! YaY~ *applause + drum roll + fireworks*

Firstly, why do i named it "Caramel Macchiato"? Because i just simply love it! Its my favourite drink. As simple as that ♥

Hmmph, apparently, this is not my first blog. I started my first blog around 16. Was at friendster.. LOL. I know i know.. frienster is lame.. who doesn't have his past.. :p That blog is a place where i express my anger n dissatisfaction. So, basically those post are mainly negative thoughts. Haha, kinda childish yea! After that, i open some blogs, posted few journals which  i don't wish people to read n i closed it down after awhile.. some i just forgot my username n passwords... =.=

Throughout all these years, i have been reading quite a lot of blogs. The way the bloggers express their thinkin n personalities r inspiring! Most importantly, it even help people sometimes! Im encouraged, i hope my blog can become a blessing too. Thus i decided to reopen a new blog randomly with enthusiasm. :D

Those blog i had previously were in simple layout n template. This time i really wanna create a quality blog that would make people feel like reading it. Therefore i start exploring the edits n customize design tabs.. i admit im a blog dummie .___. i have no idea with editing n stuffs at all. The HTML thingy is really driving me crazy!! After much reference of other's blog, i finally come out with a basic one after 3 DAYS of hair wiring. >(

Lastly, hope u like the bossa nova music i add ♥  caramel macchiato + bossa nova = perfect combination! Just make me feel so relax n soothin'.. love it. Stay tune, there's more to come :)

Life is like a cup of caramel macchiato, full bodied of espresso - bitterness that keep u awake and super sweet caramel drizzle - happiness that makes u smile. Life is always two sided, but its all good!


Cheers,
Sharon