Some revelations?

Its beginning of the year, previously i didn't really think about new year resolution or setting any goals. Cuz i can't come out with any.. i have totally no idea what im gonna do with 2011. During Chinese New Year, my uncle asked me what i wanna do after i graduate? that's the question i hate the most! So, i told him i don't know. By then only i realized how aimless i am.  I am lost. Just wasting time day after another.


I don't know what m i escaping for? Perhaps I just don't dare to face myself.. face the problems.. face the stress.. hmm...

23th of january - A day that my life started to transform

I wouldn't forget this day. When i felt i was not as good as others, i was useless, i was hopeless, i was self-giving up, God say to me, "I want to use u!". These words keep overwhelming in my heart. But the question i keep asking is, how is He goin to use me?


Im getting older n older, but things i do still very immature. I tried to control, but i failed. I regretted after i did it. I wanna grow up. So badly. I repented over n over again. Hope that God ll forgive me n help me once again. Will God help me? im struggling with this question for such a long time. It become a burden to me. 

I read a lot of quotes..  I begin to think about it. My life really need changes!! I wanna be a better person.

1st: "We judge others by their behaviors, but we judge ourselves by our intentions." How true!! Misunderstanding and conflicts always happen because of this! I really have to see things deeper, not just superficial level. We often being judgmental and gossips behind. I need Him to increase the capacity of my heart. 

2nd: "You will never have self-control until you learned how to wait." Waiting is an important lesson that I have to learn. Since young i have been impatient, if i see something i want, i must get it immediately. N this often caused me big troubles... It stumbles my life hard! God please mould me. I attended cg yesterday, Yizhen said something that strikes my heart. "God is more interested in your character than your comfort." hmm.. Sometimes, God want you to wait, is to mould your character. He will give you when He know that you can handle it. But often, i failed. I don't know what's wrong. I have faith in God's promises, but I just don't have the patience. Sometimes i feel like im Saw, didn't wait for Samuel but burn the offering himself first. Maybe what I lack is not about FAITH but OBEDIENCE.

3rd: "The measure of a mature person is on how they move on and stand up after everything goes wrong." Yes. I couldn't run away from problems any more. No matter is problems in my life or my inner part. I wanna be mature and I ll stand up and face it although im really scared. But i know God is with me. God's purpose is always greater than your problems!! Amen.

rainbow - shows the love and grace from God.

im writing down these so i can remind myself. I hope this is my last time that i made a mistake n I truly hope that my heavenly Father has mercy on me, doesn't forsake me and helped me one last time as Im turning back to Him. Pls let miracles happen again so that I will testify your amazing grace. I know that i ve received a lot of grace from Him but I never learn.. N i know i do not have any standing point and face to receive His grace anymore. All i have is guilt. But bible says,  For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. (EPHESIANS 2:8) Meaning, i do not earn grace. Once again, I have to step out with faith, to believe that my God will help me.

I think these are my new year resolutions. To have more faith and love, to be more mature, to become a better christian. 
How great is our God!

You can only defeat it when you believe. - The Rite, movie 2011