纠结

我 渐渐看透了。

爱是双向的。只有我一个人努力的改变是不够的。

不断的原谅，不断的给机会，我好累。

为什么我这么执着？而你却当作理所当然。

你不明白。

没关系，是时候给你时间去明白。。也是时候放手了

不打扰 是我的温柔；放开手是我最后的爱。

你还是我想要的那个人吗？

开始学习，不在意你。

A Different Season

Its been awhile since i last blog.. Lots of up and down in life. Yup, living is never an easy thing. And now, im goin through a different season in life. Its tough, i gotta admit.


Few weeks ago, faced spiritual drained. No mood for God, no mood for ministry, no mood for cell group, no mood for church. I felt so numb. I was so dried up, tired for everything. I knew i shouldn't feel that way, but i don't know why. Spiritual attack? maybe. I just lost my identity. Serving in a mega church, i gave myself too much stress, too much comparison. I often sit aside and think, why people can be so successful? Im willing to serve God too. Im willing to be used too. But why m i here sitting aside? Is it something wrong with me that God doesn't want to use me anymore? Or people just don't like me? I wasn't happy but i had to pretend to be happy.


Its sad for me to say this, but yea, me and Alfred decided to separate. We decide to focus more on personal and spiritual growth first so that we can have a better future. We love each other a lot but we know this is necessary. We have to develope a stronger spiritual life, more mature character. Cuz without God, nothing works. I don't know how long we re goin to separate but I believe we gonna make it by God's grace. I don't know bout him, but this is my conviction.


Everything happen for a purpose. A relationship has a purpose too, to bring glory to Him. I believe God has a bigger vision for me, for us.  


After the separation, i have come to fast and pray. Seek for His wondrous love, seek for His grace, seek for His wisdom, seek for His comfort. Amazingly, i found all in devotion. I find back my identity, my purpose of living, who m i. The answer is - do i have to be like others? The purpose of living is never ME. He teaches me to wait upon Him too. Peaceful and gracious is all I can say. He told me, when the world falls apart, we always want things to be fix instantly, but it WON'T happen; because the world never fall apart instantly, so it takes time to fix it. Be patience, God's timing is perfect.


Love, never easy. After these days only I realize how much I've done wrong in the past. High expectation, things ll never go as what we expect because when sin enters the world, everything is imperfect. Its all by His grace. Real love bears all things and keep no records of wrong. Its so important to love each other with the love of God.


Its gonna be a long journey but we will finish the race strong. ..n, im gonna miss him so damn lots.

Learn to first love God, then you will know how to love people.

Easter - the lost sheep

Happy good friday n easter day!!

Its good friday, meaning its been a year that I have come to city harvest church :D I was invited by Alfred to easter production last year. Since then, my life has change tremendously.. *good n bad* However, my faith n relationship with God has gone to a whole new level like never before!!! God has never been so real before. People n leaders here r spiritual, love God n serve God faithfully. I'm so influenced n encouraged by them! N giving the best to God. I thank God for my leaders n my churchmates. In here, I re-found my refuge, my passion to serve God again.

Maybe because I have found such a great love, I can't bear to see those who had it stray away.. There's no accident in our lives. Everything happened with a purpose.

These couple of months, get to stay in touch with my ex-church frens. Got to know that some of them lost their faith. I was once in their shoes. I know how it feels. Christianity is just a religion.. Nothing much related to my life. God was so far away that I couldn't feel Him. Sometimes I even doubt what I was believing. I knew there's a God called Jesus. He died for me at the cross. I knew everything about bible. I just knew it from knowledge but I didn't really experience him. Life is still tough, its still all by myself. I went to church, serving just to fulfill my obligation as a christian. I was disappointed to people in church. So what they called themselves a christian? Yet being hypocrite, judging than anyone else. Christianity, is just too unrealistic. I know..

But, now everything has completely changed! I'm so urge to share with my frens about the good news, and what I ve experience throughout these times!! It become a burden that God put into me, to find back all the lost sheep!! Slowly by slowly, I rebuild the friendship with them. My heart was so pain till I feel like cryin that words can't explain. I do not know how to tell them how much God loves them n how real God is! The only thing I can do is invited them to easter service n prayed that God will touch their heart, they ll get back to their first love again.

Miracles happened! At first I didn't put much hope but just to bring them to see how my church is cuz as far as I know their hearts were cold for quite some times already. But God's presence is amazing. God's love is wonderful. No one can stand before Him but only to surrender. He is so gentle that u couldn't run away from him but only pour out ur pain n weaknesses. I do the best n God do the rest. Yes, this is the experience that I cannot describe to them, but God help me tell them already. Praise God they were touched by the presence of God. Hallelujah.

This is the first step n I hope they can keep comin n experience God more :) I believed soon their life will be transformed and found their faith again in Jesus name!

Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God.
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Haul Review: Marchie

Yup! Been buying quite lots of things this month. So, im gonna do a review bout it <3 Enjoy~

1. Rimmel Lipstick from London   RM 10 & RM 15                            

  They came to my uni for booth exhibition!

I bought nude color and alarm 170 (chilli-red). Love both because so far, it is the most moisturizing lipstick i ever use. The nude one doesn't really suit me. In fact, it melted like an ice-cream two days ago cuz i accidentally left it in the car :'(
Anyway, the red one is awesome! It gives u fullness of colour.




2. Canmake Eyebrow Coloring   RM 32.90

Got this from SaSa. Been looking for this mascara type of eyebrow coloring for quite sometime already. Previously Kate had this product but recently they have discontinued. Luckily Canmake come out with it!! Saviour~~ Its very easy to apply, and its quite natural. Love it a lot!






3. Bloop from Paris Eye Shimmer Powder   RM 18 (buy 1 free 1)

I bought two colours (cuz its buy 1 free 1) purple n nude colour. Its really really nice. You don't have to buy glue for the glitter cuz its something like gel type. Its very shinning so I use it for highlight after the whole eye makeup :) MAC has it also.. as pigment form. I don't hv to say, you know the price...

4. Skin Food Salmon Dark Circle Concealer Cream  RM 42

 

 It is available with two colours, light one and darker one. I bought the lighter colour. Its in cream type so doesn't smudge much through out the day. Cuz of its texture, i use it as eye primer as well :) Hmm.. the coverage is not as good as i expected. It can perform well in covering redness, but not dark circles. So apparently was a lil disappointing.

Alrite!! So these are all I got on March~ Hope you guys enjoy n perhaps i will do a makeup tutorial with these cosmetics!

Blessings,

Sharon